smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
