Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
