very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
