Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize