I just found puke in my bra..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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