i would punch a child for taco bell
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
