i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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