Michael Bay diarrhea
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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