would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Randomize
