If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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