i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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