god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
