To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
