we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
