Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
