I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
