i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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