At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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