suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
