Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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