I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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