How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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