question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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