i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
