Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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