im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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