my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
