i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
