I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize