My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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