Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
