There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
