Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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