Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
