these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
