Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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