currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize