never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
