He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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