Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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