I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
