The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
