Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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