just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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