Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
