How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
