alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
