I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
