There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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