I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
