I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
