Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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