Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
