so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize