Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize