Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
