im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
