I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
