I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.