I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.