I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian