i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.