i jhust puked up my retainher.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
