it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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