Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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