I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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