Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
