so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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