Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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