my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
