Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
