I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
