I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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