Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
