you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
