I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
